Cycle

Every now and then there's a needle that pokes through your skin - shock shoots up the spine; and there's this feeling that you never want to feel it again. But then, when you get a hold of yourself, you forget all about the needle waiting to inflict you. It hides until you're at your most vulnerable and powerless. You think you overcame the whole ordeal, it punctures you again and tells you that you never did.

Tagsibol

Eight post from the 30-day blog challenge i posted earlier.

I'm a little behind from the 30-day blog challenge but decided to resume this because I found the challenge so fitting for the 1st day of any month. Today, the instructions read that we should list down our short term goals for the month and why... As I was thinking it through, besides the concrete goal of losing X number of pounds, everything else were errands I left for later. Anyway, I wouldn't prolong the introduction anymore, as I fear that I will even leave this blog for a time later and forget all about it...

1. Lose (10) pounds before month's end - Explanation is, I have to start somewhere, right? :)
2. Visit my father in Pangasinan - He visited Manila this April and I have rekindled my connection with the rest of my Gutierrez kinfolk. I lent him the book, Man's Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankl... but he left it at my lola's and he's been asking for it (Dad, i think it's your ploy for me to go to Bayambang! :P ), so I might as well bring it there. I could use a vacation :) I'll throw in some Vonnegut, John Rawl and Hilary Putnam... My dad is a certified bookworm and I think he can work out his Philosophy degree for some good exercise.
3. Give a really nice Mother's Day gift - I've been giving my mom crappy gifts ever since I got busy with my so-called life, so I have to shape up and give her a really wonderful find (Mental note: Kanlaon)
4. See my modista - I have a miscellanea of nice fabrics I got from Ilaya years back, it's about time they actually become clothes. Hahaha! My cheap hobby of copying designer stuff from a known designer website I used to buy from (until I discovered how great my modista is) will be revived! Say hello to my hot outfits come June, people!
5. Learn how to bike... and drive. - I've been putting this off for years, and yes, it is about time! Kahit bike lang, naman naman naman.. 'di ba?
6. Hold my networking party - I recently passed the Professional Regulatory Board's exam for Real Estate Brokerage. I am specializing on Commercial and Residential Brokerage, Raw Land Transactions and Leasing. My mom set this party for some well-off people, so I can build the network I need. My goal is to finish everything needed... Presentation, goodie bags, (the location etc is already set by my mom), sales pitch (sell myself) and of course, that promise of great service and partnership. I hope I can deliver well in front of the bigshots. 
7. Use my groupons - I bought like a ton of groupons from February to March, so my goal is to use it before it expires and goes to waste.       
8. FINISH THE BLOG CHALLENGE!!! :)) - IM SO BEEEHIIINNNDD! 

That's about it for May. Think I'm biting off more than I can chew? I'll update at month's end on how it all went.

I hope it all goes on as planned :D Esp. 1 and 6.

Yesterday, this morning... :)

Yesterday was the simplest but one of the most joyful moments of my life. And I am glad that this morning, I have let God show me that everything, absolutely everything, is worth it :)


I love you, Leo. Thank you. :)

Lent

Dear God,

I am so unworthy to be called Your child. I have failed You so many times, yet You still embrace me with Your grace and love. Even if I have put You down in countless instances, for the moments I have been desperate for strength and guidance, You have quelled my troubles away. Forgive, me. Forgive me, Lord. Forgive me for the times that I have strayed from You. A life away from You is so unbearable.

You have shown me your love through the things and people that help me through this mortal life. May all that I love feel that I loved them as You loved me. You have showered me with a so many people who have shared themselves in one way or another. I wish that they remember and cherish each passing moment we spent together and hold it dear in their hearts and make new ones, better ones.

And may all those who have hurt me, feel that I have forgiven them as You have forgiven me. And may they find You in the process of knowing that people are capable of that kind of forgiveness.

And most of all, for those whom I have scathed, in word or in action, may they be compassionate in forgiving me as well. May they find it in their hearts to let go of the hurt that I have caused, find You, and accept the love I'm offering to share with them. I know what it feels like to be burdened by anger and how free It feels to let it go. Let them surrender it to You.

You have carried me through the times that I am not able to stand, let alone, live. You have given me three new chances at life from imminent demise. Please, direct me to make good of this new lease on life that You gave... So that I may be truly called Your child in the life beyond this one.

I know I remain imperfect both in flesh and in spirit, but more than anything else, heal my spirit... For in your death and rising again, You have shown me that I am not a body with a soul but a soul with a body.

And because Love battles

And because Love battles

And because love battles

not only in its burning agricultures

but also in the mouth of men and women,

I will finish off by taking the path away

to those who between my chest and your fragrance

want to interpose their obscure plant.

About me, nothing worse

they will tell you, my love,

than what I told you.

I lived in the prairies

before I got to know you

and I did not wait love but I was

laying in wait for and I jumped on the rose.

What more can they tell you?

I am neither good nor bad but a man,

and they will then associate the danger

of my life, which you know

and which with your passion you shared.

And good, this danger

is danger of love, of complete love

for all life,

for all lives,

and if this love brings us

the death and the prisons,

I am sure that your big eyes,

as when I kiss them,

will then close with pride,

into double pride, love,

with your pride and my pride.

But to my ears they will come before

to wear down the tour

of the sweet and hard love which binds us,

and they will say: “The one

you love,

is not a woman for you,

Why do you love her? I think

you could find one more beautiful,

more serious, more deep,

more other, you understand me, look how she’s light,

and what a head she has,

and look at how she dresses,

and etcetera and etcetera”.

And I in these lines say:

Like this I want you, love,

love, Like this I love you,

as you dress

and how your hair lifts up

and how your mouth smiles,

light as the water

of the spring upon the pure stones,

Like this I love you, beloved.

To bread I do not ask to teach me

but only not to lack during every day of life.

I don’t know anything about light, from where

it comes nor where it goes,

I only want the light to light up,

I do not ask to the night

explanations,

I wait for it and it envelops me,

And so you, bread and light

And shadow are.

You came to my life

with what you were bringing,

made

of light and bread and shadow I expected you,

and Like this I need you,

Like this I love you,

and to those who want to hear tomorrow

that which I will not tell them, let them read it here,

and let them back off today because it is early

for these arguments.

Tomorrow we will only give them

a leaf of the tree of our love, a leaf

which will fall on the earth

like if it had been made by our lips

like a kiss which falls

from our invincible heights

to show the fire and the tenderness

of a true love.

exogenesis symphony ni *myui14 ng deviantart. charcoal.

Pablo Neruda

Bashing the "Willie" is now academically chic for hypocritical highbrows

Bashing the "Willie" is now academically chic for hypocritical highbrows

The disreputable TV host Willie Revillame had, yet again, an unbelievable brush with the beau monde. I cannot believe that a man, a man like Willie could be so divisive. Maybe because the masses sees Willy as a symbol of hope - a man, uneducated and poor, is now filthy (as in diiirrrttyy) rich, and he portrays a modern day Robin-Hood like "philantrophist". Blame that on the fact that the masses are truly hopeless now. With the government we have, mas aasa pa sila sa isang game show to escape their daily realities at magpapakatanga.

On the other hand, the rich and the Facebook-Twitter army of middle class calls every move of Willie as a dissimulation of the human race - hence, a gamut of blog posts, statuses, tweets and Tumblr posts ranging from witty to dumb to bandwagon-ish to the downright cruel has appeared with the goal to black ball the douche bag that Willy is. The reason why we never progress is that we dwell on stuff like this for too long. Anyway, I just can’t take it anymore. As much as I would like to restrain myself from posting any opinions on such issues as to not be misconstrued as somebody who is “milking”, I cannot bare the hypocrisy of my fellow Filipinos, anymore. So sorry, if I am counterintuitive again – but I have some points to raise that might arouse some reactions.

I am not a fan of Willie Revillame. But I am not a fan too, of the bourgeois "intellectuals" or the middle class or those phony bluestockings who are a bit overbearing.

POINT TAKEN. WILLIE IS A DOUCHE BAG. I think it's not really Willy being such a douche bag, which is the issue for me, here. He has been one, since his channel 2 days… (and it was consented to by ABSCBN, the same self-righteous company, ostracizing him now).

Wala namang kokontra na he is ignorant and bastos. Pero yun nga eh, “uneducated” siya kung tawagin… The blogs have reduced him to plain flesh. Even taking it as personal as pointing out that his mother was an indecent pub dancer and a waitress (mind you, column ‘to sa broadsheet. Babaeng writer pa sumulat) pero ang middle class at upper class na mga edukado kuno, papatulan siya with words, campaigns, opinion columns and blogs that proves na wala silang pinagkaiba kay Willie. Partida, edukado na nga. Minsan pathetic na, katali-talino, pinag-aaksayahan niyo ng panahon si Willie. Go and look at our political scene, mas maraming abusadong halimaw doon.

It’s (the online media campaigns against Willie) almost a daily dose of recursive hypocrisy – the middle class evangelizing through different kinds of media to cure their sobrang lalang ontological insecurity – Yeah right, you’re rich, you’re academic, you’re high on the strata but you’re just middle class. Nakakainis ba talaga si Willie kasi bobo siya tapos may Lamborghini siya? Minsan iniisip ko, baka ganoon, kasi people have this deeply embedded hate. Hahahaha! Ang tindi ng mga blogs eh. Parang anak ng demonyo ang douche na 'to. May parodies pa of all sorts to persecute this senseless piece of flesh named Willie. Hayhay. Pinapasikat niyo lang siya lalo.

On Willie exploiting the poor. - totoo naman, its so easy to say that what he gives are dole-outs and he is exploiting the poor… mga drama nila sa buhay, papasayawin, papakantahin for a measly sum compared to their integrity. Exploitation. Pero ang mga mayayaman, mga middle class na mag-aaral, mga nagbabasa, mga.. edukadong taong naturingan. Galit na galit sila kay Willie – pero sila ‘tong may mga kotseng mahal at marami, Iphones, Blackberrys, Concert tickets worth thousands of pesos, expensive gimmicks, shopping sprees… Huwag na tayo magpanggap. We too, we exploit the poor. Do we not mock poverty ourselves when we buy Starbucks Coffee? That’s a whole family’s meal for the day for 15 minutes of pleasure. We are so condescending telling people Willie is abusive – Hey, look at your wallets, your bags, your parents, your employers, the institutions you have came from. Almost all of us have exploited the poor. Let’s not hide under the cloak of hateful comments for Mr. Revillame.

Also, this is such a good example of selective justice. Aminin nyo na 80% of what is on the TV is as dumb, and as stupid, and despicable as Willie’s show (as all people describe it to be). If you will campaign against one, then campaign against ALL OF IT, diba? The network which bulk of the controversies he has been involved in is ostracizing him for holding a show that was obtuse and repugnant, yet it is ABS-CBN who have let that damn show happen for years. Format nila yun, kaya parang tanga ginagawa nila.

MTRCB should be fair. Given the show is flawed in many ways, they should also call the attention of other television programs that display the same thing – with the same gusto, with the same drive. Pacomment comment pa ang kapwa nilang mga artista that is as hollow as Willie is (medyo nakakaaliw… kabi-kabila tong mga pa-intellectual na showbiz people) Teka, take notice: yung Going Bulilit? Pinapapasayaw yung mga lalaki, pagdadamating babae, mocking the LGBT. Mga batang 7 years and below, pinagtatabi sa kama na parang nagsisiping. Si Vice Ganda, kung makalait ng pisikal na hitsura sa Showtime... Mga biro ni Vic Sotto, iinom ng tubig tapos ilulura kay sa comedian co-hosts… ‘Diba? Ano tawag niyo doon? Quality? Decency?

At medyo nakakatawa na rin ang lebel ng hatred kay Willy. Yung isang blogger na dinemanda ng magulang ni Jan-Jan, eh nagalit and declared that the case was simply a ploy to bring him down. Ah, eh… sila yung magulang ng supposedly pinagtatanggol mo, parang wala kang dialog man lang na concerned ka lang sa welfare ng bata at 'di ka nila naiintindihan –para sa blogger its simply a hit on his ego. Hirap ipaliwanag, pero ‘di ba? Initially this was about the kid, ngayon parang Willie vs. the World na.. Medyo nahahalata na yata ang true motive. Hahahaha!

Willie is an easy person to hate. He is arrogant, uneducated, remorseless etc. but to be the same kind of bully that he is brings you to the same level as he is in.

And lastly, medyo off-tangent, pero to the political prostitute Dinky Soliman – instead of putting so much sensation on this issue, why don’t you show us where the Conditional Cash Transfers is going – kasi mahal ang gasolina at bilihin. Habang nagpapatagal kayo sa issue ni Willie Revillame kakatanggol niyo kamo sa pag-eexploit sa mga bata at mga mahihirap, maraming MAHIHIRAP, BATA AT MATANDA NA NAMAMATAY.

This goes for all of us. Huwag na natin pagkaabalahan pa ‘to. Give him a reprimand and let's move on. There are more important things in this world than this.

Day 7 - Xenophobe

Seventh from the 30-day blog challenge i posted :-)

The challenge: A picture of someone/something that has the biggest impact on you

 

The door in the photo above is a door to the future. What I have now, is a general and incomplete map, subject to major tweaks here and there... but is nonetheless, better than to go inside the terra incognita of the time that has yet to come, completely clueless. 

This has such a huge impact on my life because what I do today pretty much determines what happens next. That door also brings fears - fear of losing the familiar; fear of losing my family, friends and loved ones; fear of losing the life I came to know. I am pressured to be the person I wish to become. I am pressured by the thought of the "future me". I am disinclined to accept that slowly, I will naturally lose people I have considered the pillars of my being all my life, or i would be failed by my beliefs. Ang hirap isipin na darating yung araw that circumstance will rob you of all of that, and you'll be left scouring for an answer somewhere. But even if that fear is there, i know for a fact that I do not have full control of what happens and inevitably, things would change.

What I have now is a chance. A chance and also a choice to beat the odds and transform whatever i can to a positive outcome pero nakakatakot.

It's impact in my life is so big, that I am constantly trying to push myself. Naaalala ko nung grade school, we were always made to write essays, sa mga sulatin pa and the like, on how we see ourselves ten years from then. The ten years has elapsed. 10 years after is now. Somehow, may mga bagay na nagbago, and here are most of us, re-writing that 10 years from now thing.  

Actually, it's not the short-term future I'm always conscious of. I am actually a pretty spontaneous person, and i let things go as they should on a daily basis. But its really that long term future, my future reality that has such a big impact on what I do on that 'daily-basis' thing. But on my prayers, there is always that plea for guidance to be the person God willed me to be and that supplication that I may be able to accept whatever comes my way.

Hopefully, sa dapithapon ng buhay ko, bago pa ako kumupas, ay wala akong pagsisihan or baka mas okey isipin that I would have the right regrets.

+08-11+

Oft, you have dug your nails deep into the flesh until it bleeds tears of blood through your ruthlessness, and you repeat it until compunction becomes  superbia and superbia becomes you.

+08-11+

Day 6 - Ding! Ang bato!

Sixth from the 30-day blog challenge i posted :-)

The challenge: Your favorite superhero and why.

No,  I did not read the comics until I was in high school. I watched, Anjanette Abayari be the manang one moment and a sizzling hot beautiful woman the next. Yes, yes. Its not Vilma, Sharon, Marian, Nanette Medved, or Angel Locsin. Anjanette Abayari was my original Darna. I watched Darna several times, and as a child and the amazement of how she turns into a superhero from superordinary just by swallowing a ruby was a little girl's fantasy.

That was the beginning of my longing to have boobs (kidding!)

Pinoy na Pinoy ang superhero ng lola mo. Yes! X-Men's Storm or Rogue or whoever was no match for my homegrown wonderwoman who can beat a Filipino ripoff of Medusa (Valentina) with a little karate. Through the years, Darna became a symbol of the "ultimate woman" -- we know the story, so why do they remake it again and again? (Some may argue GMA is really not creative LOL) but for every up and coming actress whose career is flourishing, the role of "Darna" is like a Famas award. The image of the actors dressed in a crimson bikini with stars adorning them is the image of their youth and her prime that will never be forgotten. As I grew older, I read Darna occasionally -- the old and new versions of her in the comics and television and she is really, truly, the Ultimate Pop Culture Icon.

Interestingly too, according sources i read, "the reason why Mars Ravelo chose to create a female paladin rather than a male one was because the creator of Darna grew up with an absentee father. Hence, he never had a father-figure and he considered his mother as his biggest hero growing up. His mother represented Darna, and young Mars Ravelo represented the kid sidekick, Ding"


And to those who claim she's a Wonderwoman replica, I found some explanation as to why that is not the case (although there are similarities):

"Aside from the bullet deflection misconception (perpetrated by the Viva Films movies), Darna's similarity to Wonder Woman is superficial, if anything. Besides the fact that super strength, flight, and super speed are common and hardly unique powers among superheroes, the character has several differences with her purported source material. She has always possessed the power of flight from the very beginning (as Varga in 1947, and as Darna in 1950), while Wonder Woman only gained the power to "glide on the air currents" in the 60's and the real power of flight in the 1987 relaunch of her title after the Crisis on Infinite Earths changed the DC Universe."


And somewhere along the road, my appreciation of Darna has evolved from the admiration of Anjannete Abayari to a whole new level of veneration of one of the first illustrations of a strong-willed Filipino woman. This pop culture icon in the Philippines had survived more than 60 years, and if that's not legendary, i do not know what is.

DARNA!

Day 5 - Sa Ga Da :)

Fifth from the 30-day blog challenge i posted :-)

The Challenge: A picture of somewhere you’ve been to

I've been to several continents and countries in the world. I was lucky enough that my mother and father really loved traveling. But, i felt that the travels that I am having now is what I enjoy the most. I appreciate it more now more than ever. When I was younger, I just unknowingly tag along with the rest of my family. When I entered college, traveling with my family members kind of dwindled down. I was busy with school, the campus paper and other things.

On the other hand, if I missed traveling with my kinfolk, I was also able to enjoy team buildings and travels sponsored by the school because of the editorship position I had. Mostly were domestic travels but i had one international affair to attend. I was able to go to Brunei (for the ASEAN Youth Summit Young Speakers Contest), For the domestic travels: I have reached Bacolod, Cavite, Batangas, Bataan and many other places because of the editorship.

But of all it's my travel trips with my friends and my boyfriend that I enjoy the most... And so far, of all of them, Sagada was the one that left a embossed mark on me. We stayed there for seven days and we meant to have some adventure. We went spelunking, mountain climbing (Mt. Ampacao and Lake Danum), gate-crashing (it was election time last year), and food tripping, (Of course!)

The trip in itself was not for the faint of heart. From Manila, you travel six (6) hours to Baguio, probably spend a night there and the go to the Mountain Province, the morning after (they have bus travels only until 2, if I recall correctly) and spend another 6 hours of travel). If you are easily dizzied by travel, i suggest you bring along medicine for it.

The 6-hour trip on the bus befittingly named Lizardo, was on a picturesque drive on the Cordilleras, you can see beautiful rice terraces, a great horizon, mountains and other wonders of nature. But that also means the road is not fenced, is extremely zigzagged, and has hundreds of feet of cliff drops. If you sit at the back, you can feel that when you reach a sharp turn (which in Mountain Province standards, is really sharp), parang umaangat yung gulong. The journey to it, i enjoyed even if i was afraid of heights, but going back to Baguio was a different story because it rained. I was scared the whole time :|

We stayed in this guest house and we got the penthouse room. The rooms do not have air conditioning because you hardly need any. What you want to make sure of is the supply of hot water, or a water heater and a hefty supply of insect repellent . The lodging is quite cheap, that's why we were able to afford to stay for very long. But that also means they do not have hotel like amenities, which is fine, because you are bound to experience Sagada in its pure unadulterated form.

Authentic Yogurt

The dining was also one important facet of the whole trip. We ate at several places in Sagada, like the European Buffet by this Frenchman (as per Camille Robles' recommendation) who is now a permanent resident of Sagada - he hosts this dinners and bonfires for a measly P350 pesos. The liquor of choice during bonfires, even for the foreign crowd is Tanduay. The Frenchman was eventually given an Igorot name and was blessed by their chieftain. He had a dog and a number of companions in his home. I think he enjoys the life in Sagada so much that he permanently lives there and have lived there for more than a decade now.

Dinner at the European Buffet place

My breath fogs

How could we also forget Yogurt House and it's delicious and fresh renditions of the Yogurt - we ate their twice! (as per Lorraine Tan's recommendation). They have hot food served as well, and they keep a fresh harvest of huge vegetables which you can ask for, if you want and if they allow you, you can take some with you. 

We also experienced the Lemon House. They have this celebrated lemon pie and Mountain coffee, which was simple as it is but is uniquely Sagada for some reason. We had breakfast here once, and merienda many times. It is in a quaint house maintained by an old lady (whom from what we heard was still caving at the age of 70!) and is usually just attended by two persons. Sometimes, you can just leave your payment by the counter without the attendant having to be there.

We also had their halo-halo which was different because it had so many fruits than beans and it had macaroni in it! We had a cup each on our trek to Echo Valley. You can encounter stalls by the streets.

The most memorable dining experience however was during the Miting de Avance of a certain mayoralty candidate. The owner of the guest house was closely blood related to this candidate and one day, they slaughtered this huge pig right before our very eyes and in the evening, was served to almost all the residents in Sagada as Dinakdakan and Pork Adobo. Coffee was served unlimited and rice! We were among the people and as alien as we are to them, they welcomed us with open arms. We felt their community spirit and how simple life is for them. These were one of their big gatherings and we were lucky enough to be invited. It was very casual and almost all of them were blood-related. It was a light  and we were glad we were able to experience Sagada on that level.

May i just also share that since Sagada residents are by and large, Igorot. I have learned so many things about them during the whole trip. We went to this museum maintained by an Igorot woman, who was a cancer survivor and as little as her museum was, she gave us hours of stories about the culture, traditions and history of the Igorots in the Mountain Province. As of today, most of them are modern but traditions are observed by most, still. Some of them are affluent but their way of life is fairly simple.They are mostly Anglican in faith, so most of them are fluent in English than Tagalog because it (English) was used in the schools the Anglicans built in Sagada more than Filipino. Actually, I was taken aback a little by their fluent English speaking. I was buying the usual necessities in a typical tindahan and the lady, who was rather old, talked to me in perfect English - and mind you - with a twang. Most of them are educated well and come the tertiary, they go to the city in Baguio or in Manila to continue their studies. In Manila St. Luke's and Trinity College are their main link to Episcopal education.

The dawn after the day of our arrival, we went for a nice sunrise (which we never got).It was the sunrise at Kitelpan and though it was a bit cloudy, It gave a feel of what we were going to expect with the rest of the Sagada trip. Adventure, discovery and captivation. 

Before sunrise breaks, bonfire muna.

cold?

The supposed view, which we never saw because it was so cloudy.

There are so many places to explore in Sagada and bruises, scratches here and there are not avoidable. But the experience is worth it, I promise you that. It was very challenging and you can choose the challenges and at what levels you want to experience it. We tried all that we could to do that. Mountain Climbing was fun, we we're up so early in the morning and had so much water in tow for our Mt. Ampacao climb (however, it still wasn't enough. I am not a water drinker but imagine how much water I drank that day... SOOO MUCH!) . Leo initially thought I had no endurance for it, by I had! All 20+kilometers of mountains and forests! :) 

We were even able to rest at Lake Danum which had such an amazing landscape -- you know with the horses (few) and cows drinking and frolicking in the lack, it was almost like Marlboro Country! LOL. We even camped during the afternoon in the tip of Mount Ampacao - you had views of Benguet, Abra, Ifugao and other adjacent provinces. It was surreal! I even called my mother and told her about it. We cooked our own food. We had spam with us and we cooked it with fire. We also drank from water plants that was scattered. It was a long day, but a day I truly enjoyed. I never walked and trekked so happily in my life. (was able to trek Pagudpud and Puerto Galera falls, Galera was hardest because everything was so slippery) I'm looking forward to trek mountains again :) Hopefully, not far in the future.

Now, spelunking.

I guess the biggest challenge I needed to overcome was the spelunking. For ordinary travelers, they usually choose the Sumaguing Caving experience but we opted to take a challenging route. This is a 3-hour spelunking from Lumiang Cave to Sumaging Cave. Experienced spelunkers do it in three, we did it in four and a half. It's actually the 2nd year anniversary date of me and Leo. haha! (beat that)It's quite long though, and it's as if your rock climbing, mountain climbing inside the cave.

The photo below marks my entry to Lumiang cave. There's a 15 minute walk down steep stairs down to the mouth of Lumiang, and it's quite overwhelming! The rocks are so large! Lumiang Cave was first explored by Italian spelunkers back in 1985 when they mapped the Sagada cave system - Crystal Cave, Echo Valley, Lumiang and Sumaging Caves. So imagine, to get to Sumaguing I had to pass The Crystal Cave, Echo Valley, Lumiang.

All we had was Petromax and our Sagada guide named Jason (Leo actually calls him Piolo! Haha!)Our guide was somewhat our human ladder, bridge etc.  And no, we didn't have helmets. As I've said the mouth of Lumiang was enormous but in order to enter, you must enter this snug hole that would fit only one person. It's not for the claustrophobic! I felt like Alice in Alice in wonderland, only this hole was not a fantasy but the world that awaited was really something worth the effort that goes into it. The snug hole takes you down through tight rock formations before you see anything...I was so overwhelmed by the difficulties of spelunking that it took a while and the occasional bursting into tears. As I've mentioned, the route we were taking were for experienced spelunkers, and we were first-timers, and I am a self-confessed lampa! Imagine that! Hence, the panic attacks.

Beginning the Spelunking Cave Connection Adventure at Lumi-ang Cave.

The surfaces is wet and slippery. It's best to secure footing before proceeding. Most of the time, I was on 5-wheel drive - all fours plus my butt. Ergo, the dirty legs photo. Well, more like -- dirty me photo. I wore leggings. The spandex type, not the cotton one. And I have this house shorts over it because we knew we were going to utilize our butts well. The scariest of them all was one in the middle, which took the chunk of the time because of my panic attack. It was the boundary to Sumaguing and we had to CLIMB UP a rope, a loose rope, swinging back and forth and a 30 feet drop not far behind.

our guide Kuya Jason

It took me 30 minutes to muster the courage to climb up, carry my body - with no equipment whatsoever. Hanging on to the rope with my bare hands, half-praying for a miracle. I even drew a picture of it for easy reference on what I am saying. (sorry by the way, because it's so ugly) -- So as you can see, the entry to Sumaguing cave was a small pocket like hole on a big rock. To get there, I had to rappel my body up. Leo came up first then I, second, with the guide guiding me through. Occasionally the rope would swing sideways, and I keep in mind the number one rule the guide gave - never let go. Yes, with my bare hands... Just my bare hands, bare foot and determination in that cold, petromax-lit, darkness. Leo pulled me when I was at the tip of that mouth. He came up first. I was calling out my mother the whole time and hoped for at least a helmet. I had a rush and a sense of urgency because at any time the petromax' gas would run out and we need to reach Sumaguing or we're stuck in pitch-black darkness.

My ugly drawing of the panic attack climb up

I had to remove my slippers eventually.

The thrill didn't end there, we had to do crawls, more rock climbing, more rappelling...It was hard! Some rocks hurt the feet and it was too slippery to wear rubber slippers. It's really you vs. making love with nature. Body to body! Hahahaha! Pag sinabing gulong, gulong. Pag sinabing gapang, gapag. pag talon, talon. Trust your guide and don't second guess yourself when you're in the middle of doing it. And when the view down is steep, don't look down!

That's petromax light! Hahaha!

Somewhere in the middle of it, we reached this beautiful plateau from all the climbing up and climbing down and fitting the body inside narrow spaces, bats and bat shit was everywhere. But it was a relief - the surface was flat, somewhat dry and cold in some places and had this small puddles of cold water. Actually, if you ask me, the whole caving adventure was Sagada's version of organic foot spa and mud wraps! Slowly too, you see these beautiful rock formations - I wont tell what, because i guess finding out on your own would be better. It was pretty intense inside - you will be overpowered with nature and realize that nature owns you and not vice-versa.

Leo witha  rock formation.

Leo making his way to the trail

When we were in the Lumiang cave, it was just us. Imagine my relief when we reached Sumaguing and a lot of people were there. It was such a relief. I was exhausted so Sumaguing was more of the "rest" part. 

Got down, dirty, bruised, traumatized etc. but... it was priceless to finish it.

The most challenging really was that last climb up. It was wet and the rocks wobbled and collapsed. It was like rock climbing with no harnesses or belay loops. Being a self-confessed lampa It was challenging to sustain that last bit of energy (It was unbelievably exhausting)... But being in pitch darkness for the first three and a half hours, the climb up out of Sumaguing Cave was a flee-or-freeze thing - I was itching to see sunlight.  So, i didn't care if my nails dug in soil and bat shit, i needed the grip. I didn't care if my foot was aching, i was in no way allowed to stop in the middle of it.

The moment we got out we were rejoicing. There was a quiet celebration of achievement, of rest and of survival. It felt so damn good. I have never seen sunlight the same way again!!!

We were to rest in this small house-like carinderia which had showers downstairs. We were given a small bar of soap to wash away the mud. Well, when we got back to the guest house we had a second round of washing because the mud in our clothes and body weren't washed up totally.

after shower, post-spelunking photo fronting the hanging coffins (cant see from this pic yung coffins). 

In total the whole Sagada experience was phenomenal. It is with this trip that I realize that If I were to choose between spending my money on travel or a designer bag, i would most likely choose the travel. Experience leaves more to the person than the material things. The happiness pay-off of a travel experience, whether its good or bad lasts longer - stories does, memories does. And my week in the Sagada was all worth it. And when anybody asks what we did that anniversary of ours, there's an easy answer - we had a date, in a cave full of bats for four and a half hours.

My Personality Type: The Independent Thinker

My Personality Type: The Independent Thinker

Independent Thinkers are analytical and witty persons. They are normally self-confident and do not let themselves get worked up by conflicts and criticism. They are very much aware of their own strengths and have no doubts about their abilities. People of this personality type are often very successful in their career as they have both competence and purposefulness. Independent Thinkers are excellent strategists; logic, systematics and theoretical considerations are their world. They are eager for knowledge and always endeavour to expand and perfect their knowledge in any area which is interesting for them. Abstract thinking comes naturally to them; scientists and computer specialists are often of this type.

Independent Thinkers are specialists in their area. The development of their ideas and visions is important to them; they love being as flexible as possible and, ideally, of being able to work alone because they often find it a strain having to make their complex trains of thought understandable to other people. Independent Thinkers cannot stand routine. Once they consider an idea to be good it is difficult to make them give it up; they pursue the implementation of that idea obstinately and persistently, also in the face of external opposition.

Independent Thinkers are not the type who easily comes out of his shell. Speaking about their emotional life is also not one of their strong points. Anyway, social relationships are not particularly important to them; they are happy with just a few, close friends who find it easy to share their intellectual world. They find it difficult to establish new ties. In love, they need a lot of space and independence but this does not mean that their partner is not important to them. Independent Thinkers often make a cool and reserved impression on others; but this impression is deceptive: they can hardly bear it if people close to them should reject them. They prefer a harmonious, balanced relationship with a partner who shares their interests and with whom they can realise their visions.

As an Independent Thinker, you are one of the introverted personality types.  (Really now..?) That is one of the reasons you prefer to work alone. This does not mean that you cannot be successful in a team, as well. For you, the task is most important and people who are involved come second. The contact with others, the necessity to adjust yourself to their daily changing sensitivities - all of it is just more gratuitous emotion that keep you from totally devoting yourself to those things that truly interest you: analyzing systems and policies, researching potentials for change, developing new ideas and implementing them in reality.

Here you differ from the second introverted Thinker type, the Analytical Thinker: You truly enjoy implementing your concepts and you enjoy the results. Therefore you should look for a work environment where you can accompany and expedite your ideas through to their conclusion. You consider difficult situations as challenges that really try your creativity and you frequently surprise people around you with genuinely incredibly bright ideas, rendering others speechless with their excellence. Your world consists of statistics, legitimacy, and systematics.

Considering all of this, your Thinker type is very praxis-oriented, and by no means lives on an intellectual ivory tower. You are not interested in theories not related to reality. As in chess, you are excellent at predicting the consequences of your methods in advance, and then choosing the appropriate alternative. Once you have made your decision on how to deal with a situation, you are totally willing to use your elbows and you don’t necessarily show any consideration for others. With that, you occasionally encounter resistance from other, less task-oriented colleagues that you quickly brush aside.

You resent routine jobs or monotonic order of events. You believe that they smother your creativity. If necessary, your determination and unusual ambition will convince you to acquiesce to the inevitable. Nevertheless, when choosing your profession, you should be mindful that your working environment is going to provide you with something new to learn and that your tasks are as varied as possible. Your strength lies in solving novel problems and not working on details. Nor should your curiosity ever be satisfied; just as fresh information is as important to you as the air you breathe, so is the feeling that you continuously expand and increase your competencies. An activity where you do the same thing in the same department with the same colleagues for 20 years is the worst fate that can possibly happen to a hungry mind.

For your partner, you are truly a hard nut to crack, and one has to give someone who goes through life as independent as you darn good reasons for a relationship before he/she deigns to at least consider it. You very slowly and judiciously develop trust and closeness to other people; whoever wants to win you needs a tremendous amount of patience and staying power.

Even once you begin to warm up to someone, one does not sense that for the longest time as you are uncomfortable and reluctant to display your feelings because you are not used to it. The cool, distanced, and somewhat arrogant vibes of all Thinkers are a little more pronounced with you and already sufficiently discourage many potential partners as they get frustrated and give up during the advanced phases of flirting - a shame because inside, you are not as indifferent and emotionless as you some- times appear, and sometimes your reserve simply hides your disappointment at the blindness and superficiality of the people around you.

Nevertheless, it is always a good idea for you to choose a partner very carefully and not blindly jump into an affair, because your demands are very high. You have a clear image of the “perfect relationship” and are not willing to deviate from that by even one millimeter to the right or the left. A sharp intellect that is equal to yours is the most important quality your partner must bring along. You need somebody in your life who inspires, stimulates, and always challenges you and with whom you can maintain an intensive intellectual companionship. Nothing will impress you more than competence, knowledge, and the willingness to learn because those are the traits that are truly important to you in your life. You are never really satisfied with your accomplishments, and always discover something about yourself that needs your improvement, where something new can be learned, and where you are not yet good enough.

Day 4 - Super Crammer!

Fourth post from the 30-day blog challenge i posted earlier.

Day 04- A habit that you wish you didn’t have

 

I am a crammer. 

I’ll add dawdle and ‘hope it goes away’ as well Hope it comes out as planned. Well, most of the time, I am luck that I still benefit from such a scenario. They say there are many, many reasons why someone procrastinates.  There might be an inward feeling of a fear of failure or fear of success, being in a state of overwhelming feelings or thinking that it seems pointless, or maybe, just laziness. For me, it might be all that.

The worst type of crammer. It works for me, but it doesn't necessarily mean it's a healthy habit. Cramming comes with three very important things - caffeine, 24-hour establishments and  the very distracting temptations of the Internet (Apparently, from the little time I have left, I still manage to squeeze in some "diversion" or maybe its a "distraction". 

I sometimes realize its not good when I get the results... Yes, I might have succeeded, somehow but  I look back and realize that it could have been better. I am a blinded believer of the saying "No pressure, no diamonds." Apparently, i can get the pressure without having to leave everything for later. Hopefully, I could kick the habit as soon as I embark on future endeavors. I am to study law in the near future and a crammer might suffer a terrible demise. 

And for my fellow crammers out there, I searched for things that might be helpful in overcoming this habit (Let's try it together!)

 Overcoming Procrastination by Steve Pavlina --->

1. When you feel stressed, worried, or anxious, it's hard to work productively. In certain situations procrastination works as a coping mechanism to keep your stress levels under control. In his book The Now Habit, Dr. Neil Fiore suggests that making time for guaranteed fun can be an effective way to overcome procrastination. Decide in advance what blocks of time you'll allocate each week to family time, entertainment, exercise, social activities, and personal hobbies. Then schedule your work hours using whatever time is left. This can reduce the urge to procrastinate because you work will not encroach on your leisure time, so you don't have to procrastinate on work in order to relax and enjoy life 
2.  Sometimes you may have more items on your to-do list than you can reasonably complete. This can quickly lead to overwhelm, and ironically you may be more likely to procrastinate when you can least afford it. Think of it as your brain refusing to cooperate with a schedule that you know is unreasonable. In this case the message is that you need to stop, reassess your true priorities, and simplify.Options for reducing schedule overwhelm include elimination, delegation, and negotiation. First, review your to-dos and cut as much as you can. Cut everything that isn't truly important. This should be a no-brainer, but it's amazing how poorly people actually implement it. Be aware that the peak performers in any field tend to take more vacation time and work shorter hours than the workaholics. Peak performers get more done in less time by keeping themselves fresh, relaxed, and creative. By treating your working time as a scarce resource rather than an uncontrollable monster that can gobble up every other area of your life, you'll be more balanced, focused, and effective. 
3. Often we procrastinate because we feel too physically and/or emotionally drained to work. Once we fall into this pattern, it's easy to get stuck due to inertia because an object at rest tends to remain at rest. The solution is straightforward: get off your butt and physically move your body. Exercise helps to raise your energy levels. When your energy is high, tasks will seem to get easier, and you'll be less resistant to taking action. A fit person can handle more activity than an unfit person, even though the difficulty of the tasks remains the same. 
4. We all experience temporary laziness at times, but if you suffer from chronically low motivation and just can't seem to get anything going, then it's time for you to let go of immature thought patterns, to embrace life as a mature adult, and to discover your true purpose in life. Until you identify an inspiring purpose, you'll never come close to achieving your potential, and your motivation will always remain weak. 
5. Even when motivation is high, you may still encounter tasks you don't want to do. In these situations self-discipline works like a motivational backup system. When you feel motivated, you don't need much discipline, but it sure comes in handy when you need to get something done but really don't want to do the work. If your self-discipline is weak, however, procrastinating will be too tempting to resist.  If you really want to overcome procrastination, you must release any attachment to the fantasy of a quick fix, and commit to making real progress. Hopefully you have the maturity to recognize that reading a single article won't cure your procrastination problems overnight, just as a single visit to the gym won't make you an athlete. 
6. Do you ever find yourself falling behind because you overslept, because you were too disorganized, or because certain tasks just fell through the cracks? Bad habits like these often lead to procrastination, often unintentionally.
   The solution in this case is to diagnose the bad habit that's hurting you and devise a new habit to replace it. For example, if you have a problem oversleeping, take up the challenge of becoming an early riser. To de-condition the old habit and install the new one, I recommend the 30-day trial method. Many readers have found this method extremely effective because it makes permanent change much easier.

Good luck and Good skill to us crammers! May we cease to be, as soon as possible :)

Day 3 - A picture of you and your friends

Third post from the 30-day blog challenge i posted earlier.

I overdid this challenge because I have uploaded so many photos. Primarily because I have four sets of close friends (You know, the friends you either spend a lot of time with, share things you wouldn't normally share to others, go to great lengths in order to see and hang with them and those you truly, truly care about or those who fall under all those categories or a combination of it.)

My forever friend Sab, Lorraine and Toto. College friends. Sabrina is my friend since high school.

Gabee, Jean, Kris, Lors

My Plaridel friends Joel and Leo. Leo is also my boyfriend.

My high school barkada. RIP Kirby.

My Plaridel Family. They have been a huge part of my growth as a person.

My high school loves!!!

My college loves!!!

The girls I grew up with. Germaine, Kyla, Leslie, Kay. Abby and Pam is not here pero kasama yun :)

HS :)

Plaridel loves.

When I was Editor-in-Chief these were my section editors. I've shared friendships with them.

Plaridel and my Plaridel extended family :)

HS loves

My Plaridel loves + extended family  LU trips

Nicole, friend since kinder.

visiting Kirby.

My workmate best bud Carmela!

LU

LU

Gab me and Joel

LU fun =)

My former workmates are my friends to this day.

I love APP

JC and me

Plaridel!

Lors and me

college posse

In everyone's life, at some time, our inner fire goes out. It is then burst into flame by an encounter with another human being. We should all be thankful for those people who rekindle the inner spirit. ~Albert Schweitzer